Wednesday, January 24, 2007

The Big Game in February

So apparently nobody is allowed to say "Super Bowl" anymore--at least not in radio or television commercials. I guess the phrase "Super Bowl" is some kind of registered trademark and can't be said by anybody for fear of disembowelment. So companies have begun to call in the "Big Game in February" instead. Even corporations having sweepstakes and contests to win trips to the game can't say "Super Bowl." Pizza joints who want you to order their food for the game can't say it either. I'd say that's going a little too far. I mean, what's gonna happen? Does the NFL really think they'll be losing revenue if everyone can all of a sudden say "Super Bowl"? What if it happens? Does a team of NFL lawyers swoop down out of the sky and file a billion-dollar lawsuit against Papa John's? One would think that the NFL would want their game to be promoted any way they can. Well, whatever works. Maybe I will trademark the phrase "Big Game in February". Then what? The Colossal Contest in Mid-Winter? I say that companies should just start saying "Super Bowl" anyway, and then when they get their asses sued, they can say they were saying "Superb Bowl" and that the B's just blended together.

I remember when the Super Bowl used to be held in late January every year, instead of this February bullshit--you know, back when there weren't 8,000,000 teams in the league and the game didn't require a buildup of more than a week to get people excited about it. Well, it so happens that my birthday also falls in late January. Well, back when I was younger I didn't understand what a phenomenon the Super Bowl was (nor did I realize that I might someday have to work on Super Bowl Sunday and miss the game). So when all my dad's friends would come over to the house, I thought they were coming to celebrate my birthday. Hell, why wouldn't they? I was a good kid! What kind of father doesn't invite all of his friends to come to his 7 year-old son's birthday party? And the NFL even held a football game in my honor. What a great group of guys.

So. This year's Super Bowl. The Indianapolis Colts versus the Chicago Bears. Hey, all you little kids and dumb adults out there. See how I wrote "versus" instead of "vs."? Yeah? That's because that's what "vs." means. Versus. Not "verse." That may be the biggest pet peeve I have. "Alright Jim, let's play one-on-one. Me verse you." Ok, but only if we're competing in a grammar contest. Goddamn you people are dumb. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Who is going to win? I don't know. The question is, who should I root for? How about the team with the black head coach? What? They BOTH have a black head coach? Damn it! Well, Lovie Smith is a little bit blacker, plus Tony Dungy does have the word "dung" in his last name, so negative points for the Colts. Which team helped me to a greater degree to win my fantasy football league title this year? Well, I did have the Bears' defense and special teams, which were ranked number one in the league, but I also had Peyton Manning, the number one quarterback who provided me more points than any other player on my team. So the Colts take that battle.

This is always so hard. I always have to pick a team to root for since the damn Browns have never been to the Super Bowl. Let's see, how did I pick who to root for in the last few Super Bowls? Well the last three years it's been really easy since I hate the Steelers and the Patriots, I just rooted against them. Of course they won anyway. Hey, maybe I just need to start rooting AGAINST the Browns every game and they'll start dominating. It's BULLETPROOF. The Browns. That's it. I'm rooting for the Bears. Why? In 1984 the Colts moved from Baltimore to Indianapolis. For 12 years the city of Baltimore tried to get a new NFL team, until the Browns moved there after the 1995 season. So, in reality, the Indianapolis Colts are responsible for the three worst years of my life. GO BEARS! DIE COLTS DIE!

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is why you should use the abbreviation v. for versus.

Grammar contest? Let's go...me v. you.

4:49 PM  

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