To blog anew . . .
Here I am, back again, this time with a new blog. The Horrible Gelatinous Blog, that is. I'll try to attempt to see about possibly keeping it updated at least twice a week perhaps. Also, for this go-around, I have a new goal - TO MAKE THIS THE MOST READ BLOG ON THE INTERNET. Also, a secondary goal is to get more hits than any Luke Jernigan-maintained website. However the only place I will be advertising for this blog is on the blog itself and in my IM profile. I will not be conducting news conferences, sending out mass emails, or bothering you in person. So it is up to you, my readers, to spread the word about this fresh, exciting, new blog. If you tell two people, then they tell two people, and then they tell two people, then hell, that's like everyone. Also, I can't promise that there will be zero serious posts if I get really, really pissed off about something, but feel free to just skip those. Ok, enough of this introduction bullshit. On to the content.
For those of you who don't know, I work in the finishing department of a printing plant. It is a painfully boring job with extremely long hours with incredibly stupid people as my fellow employees. I would call them co-workers but not all of them fit that title. There is nary a college graduate among them, excepting for myself, of course. (On a side note, which is better - a stupid person who happens to find a decent, fairly well-paying job while still maintaining his stupidity and drug habit, or a smart, educated person who is so lazy and indifferent that he works as a drone in a job that requires no education at all with a bunch of trailer-dwellers?) Anyway, one perk of my job is that I get to see hundreds of advertisements, and of course laugh about how stupid they are. There are advertisements for grocery stores, cellular phones, hardware stores, and of course, chiropractors. Why is it that every week there are five chiropractor advertisements going out in people's junk mail? Pure quackery, I say. Have you ever actually seen an ad from a REAL doctor? Come do Dr. Smith's Cardiovascular Surgery Emporium! We're giving discounts on quadruple heart bypass procedures! That's right folks, buy a triple bypass, and get the fourth one free! If you find another doctor advertising a lower price, we'll match it plus knock $100 off your price! But wait, there's more! Act now and receive a free skin graft! Chiropractors crack me up. They all have advertisements claiming that they're the inventor and developer of some new back manipulation procedure that will cure lumbar pain, arthritis, obesity, athlete's foot, impotence and Alzheimer's. Let's get this straight. Chiroquacktors are not doctors. Sure, they're titled Doctor, but it's not an actual medical doctor degree, it's a Doctor of Chiropractic (D.C.) which means nothing. They can't perform surgery or write prescriptions, and take about 30 seconds to diagnose and treat a patient. You'd be far better off asking for medical advice from your dental hygienist, or making your way to a holistic healer.
But, even worse than chiropractors are these ads for expensive products which promise you a free gift if you purchase it. Right. Free. Except for that $499.98 I'm paying for the ladder. If you don't count that, then, yeah, I guess it is free. And the free gift is always just some crappy device that will be used once and tossed in a drawer, never to be heard from ever again. My favorite one I've seen recently was on a automobile advertisement. This dealership took advantage of the fact that Thanksgiving is nearing, and decided it would be a great idea to give away a free frozen turkey with the purchase of a new vehicle. That's right. Oh man, I didn't really want to get a Kia Sedona, but damn, Thanksgiving is coming and I haven't gotten a turkey yet. Shit, I guess I better get that car. Do the American people really fall for crap like that? Are we really that dumb? Yes, we are, because if we weren't, crap like that would never happen. Oh man, Jim, this is some great turkey. It better be! It cost me fifteen thousand dollars! What's next? Are the free gifts going to start getting shittier and shittier as the products become more and more expensive? Buy a boat and get a free bottle opener as our gift to you! Realty One is proud to offer, as a reward for purchasing your home with us, this free rubber keychain! Step right up folks! All it takes for you to get your hands on this free, one of a kind dust bunny is to purchase one of these gently used space shuttles! That's only 200,000,000 easy payments of $99.99! Where do I sign up?
For those of you who don't know, I work in the finishing department of a printing plant. It is a painfully boring job with extremely long hours with incredibly stupid people as my fellow employees. I would call them co-workers but not all of them fit that title. There is nary a college graduate among them, excepting for myself, of course. (On a side note, which is better - a stupid person who happens to find a decent, fairly well-paying job while still maintaining his stupidity and drug habit, or a smart, educated person who is so lazy and indifferent that he works as a drone in a job that requires no education at all with a bunch of trailer-dwellers?) Anyway, one perk of my job is that I get to see hundreds of advertisements, and of course laugh about how stupid they are. There are advertisements for grocery stores, cellular phones, hardware stores, and of course, chiropractors. Why is it that every week there are five chiropractor advertisements going out in people's junk mail? Pure quackery, I say. Have you ever actually seen an ad from a REAL doctor? Come do Dr. Smith's Cardiovascular Surgery Emporium! We're giving discounts on quadruple heart bypass procedures! That's right folks, buy a triple bypass, and get the fourth one free! If you find another doctor advertising a lower price, we'll match it plus knock $100 off your price! But wait, there's more! Act now and receive a free skin graft! Chiropractors crack me up. They all have advertisements claiming that they're the inventor and developer of some new back manipulation procedure that will cure lumbar pain, arthritis, obesity, athlete's foot, impotence and Alzheimer's. Let's get this straight. Chiroquacktors are not doctors. Sure, they're titled Doctor, but it's not an actual medical doctor degree, it's a Doctor of Chiropractic (D.C.) which means nothing. They can't perform surgery or write prescriptions, and take about 30 seconds to diagnose and treat a patient. You'd be far better off asking for medical advice from your dental hygienist, or making your way to a holistic healer.
But, even worse than chiropractors are these ads for expensive products which promise you a free gift if you purchase it. Right. Free. Except for that $499.98 I'm paying for the ladder. If you don't count that, then, yeah, I guess it is free. And the free gift is always just some crappy device that will be used once and tossed in a drawer, never to be heard from ever again. My favorite one I've seen recently was on a automobile advertisement. This dealership took advantage of the fact that Thanksgiving is nearing, and decided it would be a great idea to give away a free frozen turkey with the purchase of a new vehicle. That's right. Oh man, I didn't really want to get a Kia Sedona, but damn, Thanksgiving is coming and I haven't gotten a turkey yet. Shit, I guess I better get that car. Do the American people really fall for crap like that? Are we really that dumb? Yes, we are, because if we weren't, crap like that would never happen. Oh man, Jim, this is some great turkey. It better be! It cost me fifteen thousand dollars! What's next? Are the free gifts going to start getting shittier and shittier as the products become more and more expensive? Buy a boat and get a free bottle opener as our gift to you! Realty One is proud to offer, as a reward for purchasing your home with us, this free rubber keychain! Step right up folks! All it takes for you to get your hands on this free, one of a kind dust bunny is to purchase one of these gently used space shuttles! That's only 200,000,000 easy payments of $99.99! Where do I sign up?
posted by Brad at 11:00 PM
1 Comments:
The stupid person.
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